Silence

Dear Friends and Family,

I have so much to say; so many thank you's; so many words. However, I cannot yet verbalize it.
Please keep checking back.

Much Love,
Cilla

Arrangements

We will have a private graveside service

on Monday @ 11:00am

Oaklawn Cemetery

4801 San Jose Blvd

(by invitation only)

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Dads Celebration Service is

Monday @ 4:00pm

Cornerstone Christian Fellowship

2950 Belfort Rd

(Open to everyone. Please help us spread the information.)

Faith Became Sight

Dads faith became sight at 2:27 this morning, Friday, June 19th. He peacefully slipped into the arms of his Creator, where I am confident he heard the words, "I am well pleased!".

Immediate family, Rabbi David and some close family friends met in dads hospice room this morning at 4:00 for a private viewing. Dad was dressed in his favorite "dress outfit", khaki pants and his button up blue shirt. He looked peaceful and like "himself".

Mom had time to mourn and grieve and then we all came in and gathered around daddy. We played a few quiet songs including dads favorite, It Is Well With My Soul. Rabbi prayed and then we each said goodbye.

Everyone left peaceful and satisfied knowing that dad had successfully finished his walk of faith.

The family is staying at mom and dad's house today and accepting visitors.
Arrangements will be announced later today.

God is good all the time and ALL the time God is good.

More Waiting....

After dads breathing became more and more labored, it was evident his journey is getting closer to an end. He made it through the night and now we continue to wait.....

(Holding Tight. Picture taken on Tuesday):

(One of Dads best buds and prayers warriors, Charles Hudgens. We love you and your family! Thank you for coming to visit dad!):

All of the donations that were given to cover the cost of treatment are now being used to help with funeral arrangements.

We are planning the funeral dad wanted, which is very simple yet honoring. (Details will be given through the blog when the time comes) If you know dad at all, you know he wanted the cheapest everything! He made this clear before he was even sick!!! We are not doing anything "extra", yet we are honoring my dad and celebrating his life and legacy. His church is planning a reception after the memorial service. Thank you Beth Israel and Cornerstone for loving my dad and our family!





We have all pulled funds together, sold dads work van, cut back on bills and we are still $3500 short of being able to pay for the funeral.

Family Pictures

Thank you, Ken, for being so considerate of our family and dad's dignity! We will cherish these time capsules forever!

www.kenmccray.com

Our Hope Endures

Dad has taken a grave turn yesterday afternoon. Paralysis is beginning to set in and Dad is no longer able to walk on his own, if at all. This is caused because the cancer is growing on his spine. Hospice is bringing in a hospital bed today to help keep him comfortable.
He woke up at 3:00am to use the bathroom and then we all sat around dads bed and listened to a quiet CD (The Shadow Of Your Wings by Fernando Ortega) and just held his hands.
He made it through the night and is very peaceful and restful this morning.
We are staying by his side and keeping him comfortable. Mom is holding up well so far. She is running on adrenaline, knowing she has to take care of Dad right now. I am sure she will crash later.

I will continue to update when I can.

"Our hope endures the worst of conditions. It's more than our optimism. Let the Earth quake our hope is unchanged." - Our Hope Endures by Natalie Grant

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

A Quick Update

Friday afternoon Dad was able to come home from Hospice. (Steve, your timing was appointed! Thank you for the help!) They readjusted all of the medicine he came home from the hospital on. The new medicine is much better for him and he is happy with it. He was able to eat solid food while he was there. Mom (and all of us, really) were able to get some much needed rest while dad was there and were rejuvenated when he got home.

Yesterday, dad took a new turn. He started acting on his hallucinations. He was back in the bedroom sleeping (we have a baby monitor in there so we can listen for him). He woke up, heard us talking in the other room and thought someone was breaking in. He got out of the bed, grabbed moms jewelry and "hid it". He couldn't remember where he put it, so we searched the house over only to find that he had put it in a "hidden" pocket in his gym shorts! sheesh!

Then last night he messed with his feeding tube and got up and walked around in the middle of the night.

We decided that now is the time for him to be a little more sedated. The hospice nurse is on her way now to help us decide how to do this. It is a hard decision to make, but we believe it is for his good.

His hands and feet are turning white due to poor circulation and he is in more pain yesterday and today than in the past. He has morphine to help relieve this.

Mom's birthday was yesterday. She had good day, and we decided to have her birthday celebration this afternoon. I am cooking dinner and making her favorite cake.

Mom is handling the whole situation with great strength. She is well rested and she has someone here with her 24/7 to help out.

I just want to say a personal THANK YOU to Aunt Barbie, Courtney and Mike for coming to mine and Todd's house and helping us get things in order. Our house got a little out of control since I have been spending so much time here with my dad. Only the closest of friends would do what ya'll did! LOVE YOU!

Now, for a personal favor. I so enjoy writing this blog and keeping all of our family and friends involved. However, now that we are closer to the end of this journey, I am finding it harder to update as often as I have been.

Please just know that dads status is not going to be changing too much at this point.

I also need to say that I have enjoyed receiving your phone calls and updating you all personally as you call. But, I am at a point right now where I can't emotionally do that anymore. Plus, we are trying to spend as much time with dad as possible. Please, know I am "typing" this with the purest intentions and do not mean to "blow anyone off". I just need to take a break from being "the updater"!!! However, I will update every couple of days or when something of note happens. (And I will definiely update later with pics from moms birthday celebration!)

God is good all the time and all the time God is good!

A New Day

Dad has been really achy today. He made it through Radiation and then got sick when we arrived back at the house. Thankfully, the Hospice nurse was here and was able to see him vomit (sorry, for the descriptive words...). He hasn't been able to hold anything down and hasn't been able to go to the bathroom. They aren't sure if his bowels are shutting down or if he just needs some medicine to help him out some. They gave him a medicine in the form of a pill to help, but he can't hold it down.

After the nurse saw him today, she highly suggested that we admit dad to the Hospice center so their doctor can check him out and give him some medicine through his porta-cath (something we can't do here at home).

So a private ambulance is on its way to pick dad up and take him to the Hospice center. He is being admitted as a patient, not a resident. Meaning, he will be treated and if the problem resolves, he can come back home.

This picture was taken at the doctors office today. It pretty much sums up how mom and dad feel right now.

• Please pray for peace and comfort for my family.
• Please pray dad will be able to receive the medicine he needs to make him comfortable.
• My mom's birthday is Saturday, (on a more morbid note...) please pray God doesn't take my dad on my mom's birthday.
• Also, mom and dad's 30th anniversary is on the 22nd. Please pray for them as this is heavy on their minds.

Sure Enough....

....His mercy was new this morning!!!
A friend of mine and Todd's is a professional photographer. He came over this morning and took some family pics of all of us. Dad was able to get out of bed and stay alert during all the picture taking. He slept very soundly the rest of the day and then this evening was able to get up and visit with some friends for a while. Hopefully I will have the family pictures to share with you soon!
Aunt Patti and Uncle Gary (mom's sister and brother-in-law) came in town for the rest of the week. We are so thankful they could come down and stay. They will be able to help us get dad back and forth from radiation this week.

Prayer Requests:

• Dad has been having some tummy trouble. Please pray that the constipation will stop. (Yes, we have tried everything for it!)
• Pray for wisdom as we make decisions about the future.
• Pray for peace and rest.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

Pictures

Here is a link to some pictures of dad.... old and new. ENJOY!

CLICK HERE

Todays Recap

Tonight I find myself at the computer with a heavy heart. I feel sad. I feel disheveled. I feel broken and empty.
I am sitting on the couch with the baby monitor next to me (we have the receiver in dads room so we can listen for him). He is snoring.
Mom is sitting to my right in the recliner. We were talking and then she dozed off. Now she is snoring.
The house is quiet and the lights are dim. Todd is working and I am sitting here with you, my cyber-buddies, and the 2 dogs.
The house was full of visitors all day. It is such a wonderful distraction to have friends pop in and out. However, it is this time of night I dread. Everything gets quiet and still and you are left to face reality. The "how's" and "why's" flood my mind. Which reminds me.... did I remember to take my Xanax? I don't think I did! Maybe that would help!

Mom and I have been feeding dad through his feeding tube yesterday and today. It is the most sobering thing. It saddens me to see my dad, MY DAD, laying there so weak and unable to communicate clearly. It saddens me to see his body in such a weak state. He doesn't talk alot. However, today he sadi to mom, "Why do people keep asking me 'how are you doing?'. How do they think I am doing? I lost my job. I am losing all I worked for. I am losing my wife. I am losing my life." This was the first time dad has opened up and said anything negative. It was the first time we got a glimpse of his weak side.
I know dad is looking forward to heaven. I know he is not afraid to die. I know he wants God's ultimate will. How do I know? Because I have asked him. I have heard him repeat these things over and over the past several weeks. But dad is still human and today we got a glimpse of his weaker side.

My heart breaks tonight. I think I am going to turn off the computer and go lay next to dad.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

Feeling Frisky!

Dad woke up this morning and informed us he was "Feeling Frisky"! He said he wanted to take us out to breakfast! Well, alrighty then! Let me tell you, we have never gotten ready so quickly!

We took dad to Cracker Barrel for a pancake breakfast! He did wonderful, ate a little, and then came home for a relaxing nap before we head out the door to radiation and oncology appointments!

Mom and dad decided to put chemo on hold for now. We want to give dad some time to get his nutrients through the feeding tube and then we might consider chemo. I think dad didn't realize how much radiation would take out of him. He decided to resort back to his original thinking which was "quality over quantity".

Here are some pics of the fam at Cracker Barrel this morning:

Pictures and Updates

Hello family and friends! I hope this morning found you as refreshed as we are! God is so good to us.

Yesterday was Harry Lewis Sr.'s funeral. He and my dad were very close friends. In fact, we have been very close to the entire Lewis Family since I was in middle school! I remember mom and dad hanging out at the Lewis' house watching videos and laughing until 1:00am, back in the day! I remember seeing Harry Jr. and Brian come and go before they were married and since they have been married we have enjoyed getting to know their families! In fact, Harry Jr's wife, Kristi, and my Todd are cousins! Small world, huh?

Anyway, despite dad's "bad day" on Monday (it seems his electrolytes were a little off and it was causing him to hallucinate and talk funny), he rested well Monday night and slept in on Tuesday. He woke up Tuesday morning alert, well rested and coherent. He chose not to go to the funeral but to attend the Graveside Service. Mom and I attended the funeral (along with Aunt Barbie and Shirley). It was a beautiful service honoring the life of such a great man. We held up as well as can be expected. Isn't God good?

We left early in order to pick up dad and make it to the graveside service. None of dads clothes fit him "right" (so says dad!), so in true dad fashion (and as Harry would have had it), dad wore his shorts and a pull over! :)

He made the drive to the cemetery without getting sick and was able to see his close friends and grieve the loss of his best friend. He sat in his wheelchair the most of the time, except when he wanted to pop up and greet someone.

After the service the family announced they were going back to Harry's church for a small reception. Dad firmly told us that he was going! Our only response was, "Yes, Sir!". We loaded him back up in the car and drove to the church. This drive was not as successful and dad got sick in the parking lot. Thankfully, we have learned to be prepared for this. He gathered himself and allowed us to wheel him in. He stopped to pay respect at Harry Sr.'s pics in the fourier and then wanted a tour of the sanctuary. He then informed us we weren't leaving until he got to talk to Harry Jr.! We searched til we found him and he and dad enjoyed a wonderful chat.

On the way back to the car, dad ran into a man who (long story short) was healed by God from cancer. He shared his testimony with dad and gave him a book that really ministered to him when he was going through what dad is now. "Praying the 23rd Psalm" by Elmer L. Towns, is the name of the book. I would greatly encourage you to read it.

The whole day brought much needed closure for dad and allowed him to grieve the loss of his best friend. God was so gracious to my dad in allowing him to make have enough strength to make it through the events of the day with some energy to spare!

I look at dad everyday and am amazed by the strength he has. He told me on Monday that when he looks at me he sees an angel. How do you respond to that? Well, all I could do was cry!

On to today....

Dad had his feeding tube put in at 8:00 this morning. He came through the procedure with flying colors and should be in radiation as I type.

Even though dad has been eating more, lately, we (and the dr.) still felt he needed the feeding tube. The bottom line is his body is exerting more calories than he is taking in.

Please pray that dad will be able to recover quickly from the procedure and that this tube will be a means of helping him get stronger.

Dad says everyday that he believes God is going to heal him; he is staying strong and pushing forward everyday! He keeps a 10 lb. weight next to his bed and does a couple of arm curls every morning! And yesterday, he called and asked me to pick him up some chocolate milk... he said he thought the calcium would be good for his bones! :)

Here are some pics of dad this past week! ENJOY and thank you for your continued prayers and support! We love you guys!

Here is "silly dad" showing off his empty plate! YUMMY!

This is me and Todd with Mom and Dad outside the church yesterday.

This is dad and Harry Jr.. (notice the pic of Harry Sr. in the middle)

Miscommunication- PLEASE READ

Let me just put out a fire! Evidently news about dad has been miscommunicated today.

Dad was disoriented this morning. As you can imagine, this was alarming. We had Hospice Nurses come in to evaluate him and they believe the disorientation is due to his electrolytes being low. They needed to make sure he was not a risk to himself or to us. If he was, they were going to take him to Hospice to further evaluate him (which we are at peace with).
HOWEVER, after evaluation, THEY DETERMINED HIS MENTAL STATE WAS FINE and he is NOT BEING MOVED.

He woke up this afternoon after a long nap and some anxiety medicine and was fine. He met with our lawyer, signed some papers, read a book, and went back to bed where he is currently sleeping soundly.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS REPORT TO ANYONE YOU THINK MIGHT HAVE BEEN AT MR. LEWIS' VIEWING AND HEARD THE INCORRECT INFORMATION.

THANK YOU for your continued prayers as our next task is attending Mr. Lewis' funeral tomorrow.